The Eternal Victim an Ocean Away

I love to make everything about me. I am the ticket to every plane I’ve ever missed. I am the empty middle seat on the red eye from LAX to JFK. I am the bottle of every San Pellegrino I drink before bed. I am the lipstick stain on every mirror I have ever kissed. I am the Eternal Victim an ocean away.

I hate ash in beautiful ashtrays. There is something so chaotic and dissonant about seeing ash in beautiful ashtrays. I don’t smoke anymore except for the days that I do. I left New York without saying goodbye to my deli man on Prince and Lafayette. He always told me I was too pure to be smoking the chemically dipped pre rolls he would sell me every night.

When I left New York I left in broad daylight. Something so fleetingly permanent about leaving when the sun is still in the sky. In my bruised Rimowa I packed only my Shure M7 microphone, a pair of my red suede heels, and a small photo of Aphrodite tucked inside my floral Ferragamo wallet. I was dressed in nothing of importance but I recall I looked very beautiful. I had all intention of coming back in 4 days and 5 nights but I never did. I was running away from 10 things.

1. Being sweet

2. Equinox on Prince: my calorie deficit

3. A libra man who broke my heart

4. My smoking habit in my Prada Ballet flats

5. My fire escape where I dropped 2 shattered iphones

6. Eataly pizza and cappuccinos

7. SoHo Grand Hotel

8. My Regal Essex membership

9. My doppelgängers

10. My beloved biggest hater

I love the idea of disappearing. I love the idea of being gone but on a spotlit stage draped in emeralds, diamonds, and rosewater. I am a star in any room that I stand in and I utter this like a prayer.

I live a fantasy life in a fantasy world but I assure you everything is as real as rain ~ when my iphone 16 pro flashlight is shined upon it.

I live in a canyon now and I am in love again. I walk my Prada ballet flats on the baby pink glitter stars everyday to my Uber Black SUV. I forgot how to drive in NY. This said, the higher up off the pavement the closer to God I feel. I am spoiled in a way that perfume expires. Slowly then all at once.

Forever is the sweetest con but I believe that my biggest hater will never be done with me.

She reminds me of a stray black cat in a Halloween lion costume. You can see all her fears, self loathing, and apathy in her black eyes. I deleted all evidence of our friendship because her essence carried a delicate demonic feeling. Heavy to the touch then light as a feather. I pray to God every other night that she leaves me alone. Her energy feels like expired whole milk. Rotten and fighting to stay relevant. She is brave in the way a deer crosses a busy highway. She loves to watch me on my spotlit stage draped in emeralds, diamonds, and rosewater. She loves to laugh at anyone following their dreams and sharing a piece of their heart with the world. She was in many ways my reflection in a murky central park pond.

Now, I am staring out at a black marble infinity pool in Hollywood Hills and the water is as “clear as a crystal and sharp as knife because I feel like I’m in the prime of my life.” -Lindsey Lohan’s tattoo

Eternal Victimhood is only a beautiful ocean away.

Florabelle

Florabelle doesn’t look both ways before merging onto the 101.

Florabelle smells like cherry vodka at sunset.

Florabella avoids left hand turns onto Sunset Blvd.

Florabelle loves lilac syrup in her morning coffee.

Florabelle doesn’t pick up her phone.

Florabelle runs like the wind is hunting her.

Florabelle has honey dew skin.

Florabelle never sins.

Florabelle takes her medicine.

Florabelle doesn’t forgive you.

Florabelle pretends to smoke cigarettes.

Florabelle loves you like it’s her last day with you.

I’m the Needle. You’re the Haystack.

Pink lilies became an enemy.

Just like my mind.

I am the trap door when the Tornado hits in Nebraska.

My grandfather is from Nebraska. So I know dust.

I know order.

I know money.

I can also be the eye inside the storm.

I love it best when I’m adorned.

Memorize my spine and throne.

I don’t blink when I fall out of line.

I am jaded when I wear my jade rings to the movies.

You always knew the faster route.

I sank my teeth into the Valley moon.

I’m not afraid when I’m in danger

I’m the needle and

You’re the haystack.

I promise I’ll pay it back.

my Mom’s back is perfectly fine, I didn’t step on the cracks this time.

My dress is peach and baby blue.

A needle stings but I love you.

a haystack is a king size bed

when

you’re the man inside my head.